Just Rambling, A LOT

I think that life is starting to catch up with me. The reality of growing up is something that I put on the back burner because I am still very young but believe it or not we are growing up, and I can't avoid it. With Shiloh graduated we are sort of forced to start a new chapter in our lives. I am very grateful that he is finished but then the burden of trying to figure out what to do hits pretty hard. As for me, I can't be anything but grateful for the blessing of my wonderful family, but I can't help but notice a huge void in our lives. I am constantly looking around for that 4th person in our family. I love it, but hate it so much. I get a little nervous for my sons first birthday. It tears me apart not being able to know him, but I absolutely love the fact that I KNOW I will get to see him someday and I will have eternity to get to see him. Although we don't get to have him here physically I feel him in my life constantly. In fact, last night when we were praying, I prayed that Cameron might be a little guardian angel over Hannah and just help her to know that he is there and he loves her. I never thought of that before, He loves his sister and I know she knows him to an extent. Then it hit me, if he loves his sister he has got to love his mommy and daddy. It was absolutely overwhelming and I just bawled. Anyways,sorry for the rambling this tends to be my other journal. I just have been having one of those months...you know...those emotionally months, I am sure we have all had them. It is also a very grateful month. Even though life isn't going the way we planned, I think both Shiloh and I have felt the comfort and love of our Heavenly Father so strongly. On a side note, I have a cute daughter. She is so sweet and very mothering. As we speak she noticed that I was crying and came up on the couch, wiped my tears and because of my sniffling, of course checked for boogies in momma's nose. (She copies me way to much) What a blessing. I am pretty sure that is my other melt down lately, my baby is growing up and is definitely turning into a toddler, 2 going on 12. Well we have had a great month so I will post some pictures of of adventures soon. Again, sorry for the rambling, but if you got this far, THANKS FOR LISTENING!